Sailor Moon Fun Shows
by Littles
Summary: These are shows with a funny Sailor Moon twist (most of the shows are from MTV)
1. SMFS Real World Ch 1

**Opening Credits and Music play**  
Setsuna-sama - Five dumbass girls…all in one house…  
Hotaru-chan - Is this hell for us, or them?  
Setsuna & Hotaru - US!!  
Setsuna-sama - Anyway…start this gay show so Hotaru and I can go get some dates and stuff for tonight!  
**Screen goes black**  
**Camera pans to the dining room, where we see Usagi chowing down on some Lucky Charms**  
Usagi - Mmmmmm…  
**Rei walks in**  
Rei - Stop pigging-out moron!  
**Usagi wails and the cereal spews from her mouth**  
**Setsuna-sama and Hotaru-chan run on camera. Setsuna-sama grabs the bowl of cereal, and Hotaru-chan grabs the box**  
Setsuna & Hotaru - WE STOLE YOUR LUCKY CHARMS!  
**Little leprechaun guy chases them around the table**  
Leprechaun - I am an Andymemous leprechaun! I want those Luckey (What's with the 'e' you ask?) Charms!  
Setsuna-sama - Leprechauns can't spell!  
Hotaru-chan - GAAAAAAH!  
**Hotaru smacks the leprechaun on the head with her glaive and he keels over**  
Setsuna & Hotaru - YAHAHAHA!  
**The leprechaun gets up and screams**  
Leprechaun - RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!  
**Setsuna-sama and Hotaru-chan chase the leprechaun off camera**  
**Minako and Makoto walk on, watching Setsuna-sama and Hotaru-chan chase the leprechaun**  
Minako - Yo…sup my homies?  
Rei - Shut the hell up…bitch…  
Makoto - Are you PMSing Rei?  
Rei - NO!  
**Usagi giggles**  
**Rei bashes Usagi over the head angrily**  
**Ami runs in and grabs whatever Rei was using to hit Usagi with**  
Ami - Rei that is completely uncalled for, even though it is probably a very good thing if you killed the little dumb fuck!  
Rei - Fine…  
Makoto - Let me make you guys something good to eat…  
**Makoto starts cooking and everything in the kitchen starts to blow up**  
Rei - BITCH!  
Minako - Ummm…  
Ami - Oh my…  
Usagi - Is the food all right?  
Rei - No! THE FOOD IS NOT ALL RIGHT!  
Makoto - Oh, like you could do better…  
Rei - Maybe I could!  
Makoto - BRING IT ON!  
Ami - Girls…girls!  
Makoto & Rei - STAY OUT OF IT!  
Ami - Right…I don't belong in this damn house…I'm too smart for these moronic girls, why couldn't I just go get a real job…  
**Ami walks into her room**  
**Minako stares at Rei and Makoto dumbfounded**  
**Usagi sits down at the table and begins to wail again**  
**Setsuna-sama and Hotaru-chan come back on screen, still chasing that leprechaun**  
**The Leprechaun holds up a spoon**  
Leprechaun - Get away from me!  
Setsuna-sama - AAAAAAHHHHHHH!  
**Setsuna-sama hides behind Hotaru-chan**  
**Hotaru-chan pulls out a duck**  
Hotaru-chan - Put the spoon…down!  
**Leprechaun throws the spoon and it hits Minako in the head…knocking her to the floor unconscious**  
**Hotaru-chan chases the leprechaun off camera again**  
**Setsuna-sama stands quietly**  
**Rei and Makoto look at her, while Usagi looks at Minako**  
Rei - …..  
Makoto - …..  
Usagi - …..  
Setsuna-sama - I DON'T LIKE SPOONS OK! JUST GET BACK TO YOUR FUCKING CHILDISH FIGHT!  
**Rei and Makoto obey**  
**Setsuna-sama storms off camera**  
**Usagi sits, staring at Minako's body**  
**Usagi gets up…and goes to the phone and orders a pizza**  
Usagi - With pineapple, beef, chicken, extra sausage, lots of cheese, a couple of olives, some dirty socks, a pair of sexy pants, and a sheep bladder.  
**Moment of exhausting quiet (notice I didn't put S------)**  
Usagi - NO THIS IS NOT USAGI AGAIN!  
**Usagi slams the phone down and sees Rei and Makoto gawking at her**  
Usagi - Umm…well…I…just…I'M HUNGRY!  
Rei - Well…if little Ms. Betty Crocker over here didn't blow the kitchen up…  
Makoto - WELL IF YOU WOULD EVER STOP SHOOTING YOUR DAMN MOUTH OFF WE'D ALL BE BETTER!  
Rei - YOU WANNA GO PUNK!?  
Makoto - LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!  
**Rei and Makoto walk out the door angrily**  
**Usagi looks at Minako**  
Usagi - Too bad this isn't that weird Survivor show…they had a lot of good food on there (rats and cow brains is good food? Weirdo…) …and I could vote someone out of this house…  
**Ami walks out with a magazine. She looks very pissed**  
Ami - WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!  
**Ami walks back into her room**  
**Minako gets up**  
Minako - Was that…a Playboy magazine?  
Usagi - I…think so…  
**Minako and Usagi start laughing hysterically**  
**Loud bangs and crashes come from outside**  
Minako - Do you think they're hurting each other?  
Usagi - I dunno…let's go look!  
**They run outside to see Makoto and Rei gazing at Hotaru-chan, Setsuna-sama, & the Leprechaun**  
Hotaru-chan - Come back here, you little gay piece of fucking shit!  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah…or I'll kick you!  
**The Leprechaun jumps into a jeep and drives away**  
**Hotaru-chan and Setsuna-sama jump into their army camouflaged hummer**  
Hotaru & Setsuna - GET BACK HERE!  
**Rei and Makoto turn to each other and start fighting again**  
**Minako and Usagi sigh and go back inside**  
**Screen goes blank for a commercial break**  
**Hotaru-chan and Diana pop up**  
Hotaru-chan - Why do I have to advertise brown lemons with a cat?  
Diana - There's a cat in the commercial?  
**Hotaru-chan whacks Diana who then goes unconscious**  
Hotaru-chan - Hi! You know…brown lemons are a royal treat!  
**A big brown lemon falls from the top of the screen**  
Hotaru-chan - I especially like them…HOT!  
**The lemon starts smoking**  
Hotaru-chan - Ummm…  
**The lemon ignites into flames**  
Hotaru-chan - AHH!  
**Setsuna-sama rushes on camera and extinguishes the fire**  
Setsuna-sama - Hot Damn…  
Hotaru-chan - Yeah…  
**Screen goes blank**  
**A bunch of balloons float around on screen**  
**Rei pops up**  
Rei - Get me the fuck out of here!  
**Rei disappears and Minako appears instead**  
Minako - Whoa…that's soooo, like, cool! I like those balloons! They're pretty…  
**Screen goes blank**  
**Setsuna-sama, Hotaru-chan, and the Leprechaun pop up**  
Leprechaun - YOU CAN'T HAVE MY LUCKEY CHARMS!  
Setsuna-sama - I don't want them anymore…you can keep them…  
**Setsuna-sama sits and starts filing her nails**  
Leprechaun - You mean it?  
**Leprechaun's eyes get all starry**  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah, I do…but I don't think Hotaru does…  
Hotaru-chan - BWAHAHAHA!  
**Hotaru-chan smacks the Leprechaun over the head with her glaive**  
**Screen goes blank again**  
**Camera pans into the living room where we see Minako and Usagi watching Sesame Street and Ami is sitting in a chair reading something that we cannot see the title of at the moment. There is loud crashing in the room once called the kitchen as Rei and Makoto come out bruised and in torn clothing. As they come in, the three other girls look up**  
Ami - What exactly have you been doing?  
Minako - Yeah…  
Usagi - What they said.  
Rei - Go to hell.  
Makoto - Yeah…bitches.  
**Rei and Makoto walk into their own rooms and slam the doors shut behind them**  
Ami - Oh well…  
**Ami goes back to reading**  
**Usagi and Minako go back to their show**  
Minako - ELMO…ELMO!  
Usagi - BIG BIRD!  
Minako - ELMO!  
Usagi - BIG BIRD!  
**Minako and Usagi look at each other for a moment. They so quick, that it's scary, they jump up and start clawing each other**  
Ami - What the fuck…would you idiots stop that? You're acting like…like…imprisoned princesses in some fucked up fairly tale.  
**Usagi and Minako stop, glance at Ami, look at the TV, then stare at Setsuna-sama and Hotaru-chan coming in with the Leprechaun in a straightjacket**  
Leprechaun - Why did you put me in this Hotaru?  
Hotaru-chan - THAT'S QUEEN HOTARU TO YOU!  
Setsuna-sama - Uhh…Hotaru…would you mind horribly if I just kind of left? I mean…this is rather boring…with all these gayass girls just sitting around looking like the complete and utter morons that they are…  
Leprechaun - Yeah…  
Hotaru-chan - Oh doodleyfuck…fine!  
**Setsuna-sama exits, her ever-present sunglasses in her hand. She is followed by Hotaru-chan who is dragging the Leprechaun behind her**  
Usagi - Ummm…  
Minako - Was she talking about us?  
Ami - YEAH DUMBASS!  
**Ami walks out of the house angrily, mumbling about getting a better job**  
**Ami runs back in, a look of fear on her face**  
Ami - DUCK AND COVER!  
Usagi & Minako - Huh?  
**The house implodes quickly as the three girls are seen running out the front door and Rei and Makoto are jumping out their windows**  
Hotaru-chan - DAMN! I missed…  
Setsuna-sama - Ah fuck it, we'll kill their asses later…besides, I'm tired, I want to go home and have some tea.  
Hotaru-chan - What about our dates?  
Setsuna-sama - Fuck them too…I think we should chill at my place and watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail and have some Lucky Charms…  
Hotaru-chan - And brown lemons!  
Setsuna-sama - Those too…  
Leprechaun - Yummy!  
Hotaru-chan - Who said you were coming with us?  
**Leprechaun falls to his knees crying**  
Setsuna-sama - Shit…shut up man! You can come if you just shut your trap!  
**Leprechaun stops crying**  
Hotaru-chan - Let's go then…this is a depressing site…  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah…peace out.  
  
[Author's Note - Leprechaun in technically a fictional character based on ANDY…er…ahem…anyway…^_^ He should be thankful I didn't kill him in this episode…but there's always another day for that! BWAHAHAHA!] 


	2. SMFS Celebrity Death Match Ch 2

**Opening Music Plays**  
Setsuna-sama - Welcome to a special British edition of Celebrity Death Match, ladies and gentlemen! Setsuna Meioh here, along side my co-host Hotaru Tomoe. We are subbing for Nick Diamond and that one dude whose name I don't recall.  
Hotaru-chan - YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
**Large anime sweat drops on Setsuna's head**  
Setsuna-sama - Ummmm…yes. Anyway…tonight's match will be the best ever!  
Hotaru-chan - Usagi Tsukino vs. Chibi-Usa Tsukino!  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah! And they are fighting for control of Tuxie Boy-er I mean Mamoru Chiba!  
Hotaru-chan - Uh huh…can I get a damn brown lemon over here!  
Servant - Yes Hotaru-chan right away!  
**Servant rushes off to get Hotaru a brown lemon**  
Setsuna-sama - Couldn't that have waited till after the show?  
Hotaru-chan - Hey! You got a cocktail with an umbrella last time we subbed for someone, so I get some fucking brown lemons all right!  
Setsuna-sama - Oh fine…oh! Here comes our first dumbass-er challenger! Welcome Usagi Tsukino to the Death Match ring!  
**Crowd starts throwing popcorn buckets and cups of Dr. Pepper at Usagi**  
Usagi - OW!  
**Usagi falls flat on her face like the dumbass that she is**  
**Crowd roars with laughter**  
Chibi-Usa - Hey klutz! Get in the damn ring!  
**The crowd looks at Chibi-Usa in the ring and boo's her**  
Chibi-Usa - Oh go screw a fork you messed up people!  
**Camera turns back to Setsuna-sama who is getting a manicure while talking on her cell phone and Hotaru-chan who apparently didn't get her brown lemon**  
Setsuna-sama - I know! Oh my gosh…are you serious? Tom did what? Damn…that boy has problems…  
Hotaru-chan - GET ME A STUPID BROWN LEMON YOU LITTLE BITCH! I SAID A BROWN LEMON! NOT A DUMB YELLOW LEMON! BROWN!  
Servant - I'm sorry oh great and almighty Hotaru-chan! I will fetch you a brown lemon and some star flakes my future queen!  
Hotaru-chan - That's better!  
**Some guy runs on and tells Setsuna that they're on**  
Setsuna-sama - Oh shit!  
**Setsuna hangs up her phone**  
Setsuna-sama - Umm…Hotaru…uh…who do you think will win this umm…battley-thing?  
Hotaru-chan - Me!  
Setsuna-sama - Uhhhh…right…hey…why isn't Tuxie-er I mean Mamoru hanging from the ceiling yet?  
**Haruka and Michiru walk in, holding hands**  
Haruka - Dumb Inner Senshi…  
Michiru - Yes, they forgot to do it, so Haruka beat them up…  
Haruka - That's right…Michi baby!  
Michiru - Oh Haruka…  
Hotaru-chan - CUT IT OUT YOU HORNY LUNATICS!  
**Haruka and Michiru stop about an inch from kissing each other**  
Setsuna-sama - Hotaru…here comes Mamoru on the rope!  
**Hotaru gets very attentive, even though she still doesn't have a brown lemon**  
**Servant walks in with a brown lemon**  
Servant - Miss Hotaru-chan I brought your-  
**Hotaru whacks the servant with her Sil-er…Glaive**  
Hotaru-chan - BE QUIET!  
**Servant falls to the ground unconscious**  
**Mamoru is lowered down on a rope, hanging by his ankles**  
**Ami runs in**  
Ami - Okay! Just a bit lower! Yeah…all right…a little to the left…no no no right!  
**Loud banging comes from above and Mamoru lands on top of Ami**  
Ami - Oh...my head…  
Mamoru - Thanks for catching me Ami!  
Ami - Oh go to hell you gay bastard!  
Mamoru - You're mean!  
**Ami gets up and walks away angrily**  
Haruka - HANG HIM BACK UP DAMNIT!  
Hotaru-chan - MAKOTO GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!  
**Makoto and Minako rush in**  
Makoto - Sorry my Queen!  
Minako - Rei pushed one of the wrong buttons!  
Hotaru-chan - Well where is she then!  
Makoto - Ummmm…  
Minako - Makoto beat her down with her large pixie stick, your majesty.  
Hotaru-chan - Ooohhh…  
**Camera goes back to the ring, where Mamoru is being fought over by Usagi and Chibi-Usa. Himoko and Luna are fighting over Kikarou (he's the referee), while Artemis is crying in the corner**  
Usagi - MAMORU IS MY BOYFRIEND!  
Chibi-Usa - I DON'T CARE! HE'S MINE!  
Usagi - HE'S YOUR FATHER!  
Chibi-Usa - OH WELL!  
Usagi - You're a sick little bitch you know that?  
Mamoru - You know Usagi is right you are-  
Usagi & Chibi-Usa - SHUT UP!  
**Usagi and Chibi-Usa each take turns slapping Mamoru across the face**  
**Camera goes to Himoko, Luna, and Kikarou**  
Himoko - YOU DUMB CAT HE IS MINE!  
Luna - NO!  
Himoko - YES! YOU ARE JUST A CAT! YOU CANNOT BE HIS DAMN SOULMATE!  
Luna - YES I CAN!  
**Kikarou goes over to Artemis and sits down next to him**  
Kikarou - Why do girls insist on fighting over me?  
Artemis - I have no idea…maybe because they find you so sweet, which probably means you're gay and you like that guy with the glasses.  
Kikarou - Excuse me? Did you just say…I'm gay?  
Artemis - Yes.  
**Kikarou looks at Artemis…Artemis looks at Kikarou**  
**There is a moment of sil-er quiet**  
**The two start to kick each other's ass**  
**The crowd cheers them on while Luna, Himoko, Usagi, Chibi-Usa, and Mamoru stare at them in amazement**  
**Camera goes back to Hotaru, Setsuna, Michiru, Haruka, Minako, and Makoto**  
**Minako and Makoto are bowing before Hotaru, Hotaru is eating her brown lemon**  
**Setsuna is talking to some nicely ripped, tan man with sandy blonde hair**  
**Michiru and Haruka are making out**  
Minako - I'm so sorry!  
Makoto - We are unworthy to be in your presence!  
Hotaru-chan - That's right! Now get out of here!  
Minako & Makoto - Yes your highness!  
**Minako and Makoto leave very, very quickly**  
Setsuna-sama - So…you're 19, right?  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Guy - Yes.  
Setsuna-sama - Well, I should check out the mailrooms around here more often.  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Guy - Yes.  
Setsuna-sama - Would you care to go get a cocktail with me…?  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Guy - HELL YES!  
Hotaru-chan - SETSUNA! WE HAVE A SHOW ON RIGHT NOW!  
**Setsuna smiles at the nicely ripped, tan guy**  
Setsuna-sama - Well I guess I'll see you at my mansion around…3 o'clock then?  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Guy - YES!  
**Setsuna waves cutely to the nicely ripped, tan guy as he walks off stage**  
Hotaru-chan - AND WILL YOU TWO CUT IT OUT!  
**Camera goes to Michiru and Haruka who are obviously making out**  
**Setsuna turns around and whacks them both on the head with her Time Key**  
**Michiru and Haruka fall down the floor, out cold**  
**Medics and other people rush in and carry them out**  
Setsuna-sama - Okay! Let's start this match already-  
Hotaru-chan - It already started! Look at those two guys go!  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah! Kick each other's ass you mother-fuckers!  
**Crowd still cheering Artemis and Kikarou on**  
**Artemis claws Kikarou's eyes out while Kikarou tries to rip off Artemis's tail**  
Luna & Himoko - KIKAROU! NOOOOOOO!  
**Chibi-Usa's eyes turn red and she starts drooling**  
Chibi-Usa - I WANT BLOOD!  
**Chibi-Usa tackles Kikarou and sinks her teeth into him**  
Usagi - Ew…  
Mamoru - LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO OUR CHILD! MY DAUGHTER IS A DAMN VAMPIRE BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU BITCH!  
Usagi - Because of ME! YOU'RE THE ONE YOU PUT THE MOVES ON HER YOU DICK! IT IS YOUR FAULT!  
**Usagi and Mamoru starts kicking and punching each other**  
**Luna and Himoko watch their beloved Kikarou get all the blood drained from his body by Chibi-Usa**  
Luna - You little…  
Himoko - I'M GONNA KILL YOU!  
**Luna and Himoko both jump on top of Chibi-Usa and start stabbing her with Swiss army knives**  
**Artemis sits down and drinks some lemonade**  
Artemis - This is the life!  
**Camera scrolls to the entrance to the ring**  
**The crowd and everyone turns their heads in awe**  
Justin Timberlake - Hi Everyone!  
**Everyone in the crowd brings out shotguns and start shooting at Justin Timberlake**  
Setsuna-sama - IT'S THE CHIA-PET! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
**Setsuna-sama brings out a grenade launcher and blows him up**  
**Crowd cheers**  
Hotaru-chan - SILENCE! I AM ENJOYING THIS FIGHT!  
**Crowd shuts up immediately**  
**Luna is clawing chunks of flesh from Chibi-Usa's leg while Himoko is beating her on top of the head with a stick**  
**Usagi and Mamoru are stabbing each other repeatedly with daggers**  
**Artemis sits back in his chair and sips his lemonade**  
Setsuna-sama - You know…someone should go fight with Artemis…  
**Rei runs out**  
Rei - Yes Setsuna-sama! Right away!  
**Rei runs down to the ring with a blowtorch and burns Artemis**  
Setsuna-sama - Ah…perfect.  
**Artemis screeches**  
Setsuna-sama & Hotaru-chan - MY EARS!  
**Nicely Ripped, Tan Man runs out along with another servant**  
**Nicely Ripped, Tan Man gives Setsuna a pair of earplugs**  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Man - Here Setsuna-sama!  
Setsuna-sama - Thanks baby…  
**Setsuna gets up off her chair and Nicely Ripped, Tan Man sits down in it. Setsuna sits on his lap smiling**  
**Servant hands Hotaru some earplugs**  
Servant - Here my Queen…  
Hotaru-chan - Geez…I get servants and she gets nicely ripped, tanned men…ARGH! I'm getting screwed with this contract! GET ME A HOT, PALE, SCRAWNY GUY RIGHT NOW OR I WILL IMPLODE YOU ALL!  
**Servant disappears in a puff of smoke and a hot, pale, scrawny guy appears in her place**  
Hotaru-chan - Now that's more like it!  
**Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy smiles at Hotaru**  
**Hotaru smiles back**  
Setsuna-sama & Hotaru-chan - GET THAT CAMERA OFF US NOW!  
**Camera quickly turns back to the ring**  
**Luna and Himoko have managed to get Chibi-Usa off of Kikarou, who is dead white from loosing all his blood**  
**Chibi-Usa walks like a zombie away from the two and walks over to a person in the crowd**  
Chibi-Usa - BLOOD!  
**Chibi-Usa attacks the member of the audience and the rest of the crowd starts bashing her brains in with chalkboards**  
Luna & Himoko - KIKAROU!  
**Both faint and are taken out of the ring immediately**  
**Artemis lays in the ring, his fur charred and black**  
Artemis - Ow…my…fur…  
Rei - YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
**Rei jumps on top of Artemis and starts tearing his fur out**  
**Ami runs out**  
Ami - I'm the new referee since I obviously won't have any girls fighting over me.  
**Everyone ignores her**  
**Anime sweat drops appear on Ami's head**  
Ami - Why do I even bother?  
**Ami sits down at the edge of the ring waiting for someone to get knocked out**  
**Camera goes back to Setsuna and Hotaru**  
**Setsuna is babbling on about how gorgeous she is while Nicely Ripped, Tan Man is staring at her uncovered legs**  
Setsuna-sama - So I had to smack him upside the head for calling me old…  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Man - Yeah…damn you are so fine!  
Setsuna-sama - I know!  
**Hotaru is now sitting on Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy's lap as they make out**  
Hotaru-chan - Mmmmmmm…hmmmm?  
Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy - Mmmmm…..hmmmhmmmm…mmmmm….  
**Camera quickly turns back to the ring, so Hotaru doesn't notice**  
**Mamoru gets away from Usagi and accidentally touches Rei's butt**  
**Usagi gets really mad at Rei*  
Usagi - GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!  
**Usagi whacks Rei with her scepter**  
**Chibi-Usa runs from the crowd and throws Artemis towards them**  
**A female audience member catches Artemis**  
Female Audience Member - Oooooooh!  
Artemis - Why hello there…  
**Female Audience Member flirts with Artemis…Artemis flirts back**  
Artemis - What do you say we go back to my place and get some tuna?  
Female Audience Member - Yeah!  
**Artemis and Female Audience Member run out of the ring and go get tuna**  
**Camera goes back to Setsuna and Hotaru**  
Setsuna-sama - What do you say we go have a little fun?  
Hotaru-chan - Yeah, Setsuna is right…let's go have a pool party!  
**Setsuna, Hotaru, Nicely Ripped, Tan Man, and Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy all leave the arena to go have a pool party**  
Mamoru - You know…it's kind of quiet without Setsuna-sama and the great Hotaru-chan!  
Usagi - Yeah…complete and absolute silence!  
Ami & Rei - AAAHHHH!  
**Ami and Rei run out very, very, very, very quickly**  
**Everyone else is scared stiff, and are frozen in place**  
**Camera outside goes to Hotaru and the gang**  
Hotaru-chan - YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! THE SILENCE! BWAHAHAHA! MISTRESS 9 HAS REAWAKENED!  
Setsuna-sama - Oh shit! Get down!  
**Everyone lays down on the ground**  
Hotaru-chan - SILENCE……..GLAIVE……SURPRISE!  
**Arena implodes into a million bazillion pieces**  
Hotaru-chan - All right…let's go get wet!  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah!  
**Setsuna whacks the camera guy with her Time Key and everything goes black**  



	3. SMFS TRL Ch 3

**Screaming**  
Carson Daly - Hello! Welcome to TRL--  
**Setsuna runs in and whacks Carson with her Time Key**  
Setsuna-sama - Carson, you're hot and all, but I really think Hotaru-chan and I should host this show!  
**More Screaming**  
Carson Daly - I'M A BUNNY! LOOK AT ME; I'M A BUNNY RABBIT! Hop, hop, hop!  
Setsuna-sama - Ummm…could someone get him out of here?  
**Hotaru walks in**  
Hotaru-chan - Yeah, we don't need any dead weight on stage with us!  
**Nicely Ripped, Tan Man and Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy run in and take Carson Daly out of the room**  
Setsuna-sama - Thanks baby!  
**Setsuna blows kisses**  
Hotaru-chan - STOP FLIRTING!  
**Hotaru steps on Setsuna's foot**  
Setsuna-sama - Ow! Hotaru!  
Hotaru-chan - Oh…sorry…I guess power just goes to my head!  
**Hotaru turns to the audience**  
Hotaru-chan - BOW TO ME! I AM YOUR QUEEN!  
**Audience bows over and over while Setsuna is apparently still flirting with Nicely Ripped, Tan Man**  
Setsuna-sama - Soooo…right after the show all right?  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Man - Yeah baby…damn…so fine!  
Hotaru-chan - CUT IT OUT--  
**Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy walks out**  
Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy - Hey…  
Hotaru-chan - PLAY THE FIRST DAMN VIDEO!  
**Camera immediately switches to the number 10 video**  
**DMX - Up In Here - plays**  
**Camera goes back to Hotaru and Setsuna**  
Hotaru-chan - So then my father sold my soul, which practically led to me being possessed…then I died…  
Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy - Yeah…but you're still the hottest girl in the world…  
**Hotaru flushes with embarrassment**  
Setsuna-sama - And so when that dumbass Inner Senshi came to the Time Gate, I really should've kicked all their Asses, but ya know…  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Man - Uh huh…I want you…  
**Guy runs on and tells them they're on**  
Setsuna-sama - Oh baby…er ummm…what?  
Hotaru-chan - And now for our number…9 video or something…  
**Some dude runs on stage waving to the camera**  
**Dude accidentally bumps into Setsuna-sama**  
Setsuna-sama - FUCK OFF YOU DICK!  
**Dude runs back to the audience quickly**  
Setsuna-sama - Okay, play…  
**Setsuna squints to see the cue card**  
Hotaru-chan - Aqua's Barbie Girl…get some damn glasses!  
Setsuna-sama - Look, I'm not as young as I used to be, okay?  
Hotaru-chan - Yeah, yeah…just get to the video!  
**Camera switches to the video**  
**Aqua - Barbie Girl - plays**  
**Camera goes back to Hotaru and Setsuna**  
**Hotaru is closing all the curtains to the windows so she doesn't get a tan on her lovely pale self**  
**Setsuna is punching Minako in the face**  
Hotaru-chan - I can't ruin my lovely paleness!  
Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy - Oh Hotaru-chan…you'd be fine anyway!  
**Hotaru smiles**  
Setsuna-sama - You little bitch! Where the fuck do you get off hitting on my nicely ripped, tan guy! I'm gonna kick your damn ass!  
Minako - I'm so sorry Setsuna-sama! I didn't know he was yours!  
**Setsuna-sama whacks Minako so hard with her Time Key that her skull cracks open**  
**Everything goes quiet**  
Hotaru-chan - Way to go Setsuna! You got rid of that messed up ditz!  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah! WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!  
**Makoto runs on and drags Minako's corpse off stage**  
**Ami runs in and tells them to go to a commercial**  
Setsuna-sama - Commercials? Why?  
Hotaru-chan - What the fuck is wrong with you? Commercials?  
Ami - I'm sorry! It's…it's…not my fault!  
**Hotaru gets pissed and whacks Ami over the head with one of the cameras**  
**Blood rushes from Ami's face and she falls down to the floor**  
Setsuna-sama - Hotaru! You killed the ugly ass geek!  
Hotaru-chan - Yeah!  
**Setsuna and Hotaru give a high-five**  
Setsuna-sama & Hotaru-chan - BOOYAH!  
**Screaming**  
**Everything goes black and goes to a commercial**  
**Little stars float across the screen**  
**Cheap little words saying "STAR FLAKES" float around**  
**Luna pops up in a little circle window**  
Luna - When you want a yummy treat…  
**Artemis pops up in another window**  
Artemis - And don't know what to eat…  
**Diana pops up in a third window**  
Diana - Get some wholesome star flakes…  
Luna, Artemis, & Diana - STAR FLAKES!  
Luna - Get them down at your local grocery story today!  
Artemis - But...wait…how do we know that they would carry Star Flakes at the grocery store?  
Diana - We don't even know what they are!  
Luna - Who the hell cares? We're getting paid $50 grand for this!  
Artemis & Diana - Good point!  
**All three disappear and the words "STAR FLAKES" flash quickly**  
**Next Commercial**  
**A blank white screen appears**  
**Setsuna walks on from the left, Hotaru walks on from the right**  
Setsuna-sama - What commercial is this again?  
Hotaru-chan - I don't know…  
**All of a sudden Usagi pops up in the middle of the screen**  
Usagi - HIHIHIHIHIHI!  
**Big bottle of Grey Poupon lands on top of her**  
Hotaru-chan - Oh yeaaaaah…  
Setsuna-sama - Grey Poupon…The Dijon mustard!  
Hotaru-chan - It is made with white wine!  
**Setsuna and Hotaru grin**  
Setsuna-sama & Hotaru-chan - ALCOHOL!  
**They both run into the large bottle and fall down**  
**Screen blinks**  
**Screaming**  
**Camera goes to Hotaru…who is totally distracted by Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy's raven black hair and Setsuna who is absorbed in checking out Nicely Ripped, Tan Man's pecs**  
Hotaru-chan - You're hair…oh I love it!  
Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy - And I love you…  
**Hotaru and Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy stare at each other**  
Hotaru-chan - !  
Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy - !  
**The two start making out**  
Setsuna-sama - So how many days a week do you work out?  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Man - All seven, Setsuna-baby!  
Setsuna-sama - Wow…  
**Makoto runs back on stage to tell them they're on**  
Setsuna-sama - Okay…Hotaru introduce the next video…  
**Hotaru is still making out with Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy**  
Setsuna-sama - Hotaru…?  
**Everything is quiet**  
Setsuna-sama - For crying out loud! The fucking number eight video is Eminem's The Way I Am…  
**Camera goes to the video**  
**Eminem - The Way I Am - plays**  
**Camera goes back to Hotaru and Setsuna…again**  
**Hotaru and Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy are still making out**  
**Setsuna is having a fight with Nicely Ripped, Tan Man**  
Setsuna-sama - Get the fuck away from me you sick bastard!  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Man - What is your problem?  
Setsuna-sama - My problem is you! You don't respect me! I challenge you to a hot contest!  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Man - You're on!  
Setsuna-sama - Okay guys…if you think I'm hot, scream and yell as loud as you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**The screams and cheering raise the Hot-Meter to an eight**  
Nicely Ripped, Tan Man - Now all you girls who think I'm hot…scream!  
**Setsuna smacks her Time Key into her fist a couple times as a warning**  
**The room remains quiet aside from the kissing noises from Hotaru and Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy**  
Setsuna-sama - Goodbye dumbass!  
**Setsuna whistles**  
**Makoto rushes out and head buts Nicely Ripped, Tan Man out the window**  
**Cheering**  
**Setsuna takes a bunch of graceful bows**  
Setsuna-sama - Now! The number seven video! Kid Rock's…COWBOY!  
**Screaming**  
**Camera goes to video**  
**Kid Rock - Cowboy - plays**  
**Camera goes back to Setsuna…since Hotaru is obviously occupied with more important matters**  
Setsuna-sama - Okay! Now we'll take a request from-  
**Screaming cuts off Setsuna**  
**Everyone looks towards the door**  
**Noah Bastian comes out**  
**Setsuna gets little hearts in her eyes**  
Setsuna-sama - Noah…  
Noah Bastian - Hey…Setsuna, right?  
**Setsuna faints**  
**More screaming**  
Noah Bastian - Can we get some water over here?  
**Makoto and Rei run out with buckets of water…both staring at Noah**  
Makoto - Here…Noah…  
Rei - Yeah…h…here…  
Noah Bastian - Thanks…  
**Noah winks at Makoto and Rei**  
**Setsuna gets up and chokes Makoto and stabs Rei**  
Setsuna-sama - NO! NOAH IS MINE!  
Rei - Ow…my…lung…you punctured…it…I'm dying-  
**Rei dies with blood gushing out of her chest**  
Makoto- Sorry…Setsuna-sama…I…I…I-  
**Makoto turns complete blue and falls unconscious**  
Noah Bastian - Whoa…easy tiger!  
Setsuna-sama - Grrrr…  
**Setsuna smiles**  
**Noah smiles back**  
Setsuna-sama - Number six is TLC No Scrubs…  
**Camera goes to video**  
**TLC - No Scrubs - plays**  
**Camera goes back to the studio**  
**Makoto and Rei's bodies are nowhere in sight**  
**Hotaru is sitting on the floor, looking sad**  
**Setsuna is flirting with Noah…this girl just doesn't know when to quit…**  
Hotaru-chan - Yay…fun…yeah…  
Setsuna-sama - Where'd Hot, Pale, Scrawny Guy go?  
Hotaru-chan - Oh…he…had to go…  
Setsuna-sama - Oh…would you mind introducing the next-  
Hotaru-chan - GET OFF MY BACK!  
**Large anime sweat drops on Setsuna's head**  
Setsuna-sama - Okay…Noah?  
Noah Bastian - Sure! The number five video for today is…WOW! IT'S THE HARDEST PART OF BREAKING UP (IS GETTING BACK YOUR STUFF) BY 2GETHER! COOL!  
**Camera goes to the video**  
**2gether - The Hardest Part of Breaking Up (Is Getting Back Your Stuff) - plays**  
**Camera goes back to studio once more**  
Setsuna-sama - Okay…we are kinda running out of time so we're gonna get to the number four video like, real quick!  
Noah Bastian - Yeah! Hotaru-chan…I have a surprise for you!  
Hotaru-chan - Which is?  
Noah Bastian - Wait!  
Setsuna-sama - Jay-Z's Big Pimpin!  
**Camera goes to video**  
**Jay-Z - Big Pimpin - plays**  
**Setsuna and Noah are talking**  
**Hotaru is staring in disbelief at the door**  
**Freddie Prinze Jr. is standing in the doorway**  
Hotaru-chan - Fred-Freddie…  
Freddie Prinze Jr. - The number three video is one of my favorites! Outkast's Ms. Jackson! Thanks for inviting me Noah!  
Noah Bastian - Yeah…sure Freddie!  
Setsuna-sama - Hotaru…  
Hotaru-chan - Freddie should be my King!  
Freddie Prinze Jr. - Ya know…that's not a bad idea!  
**Camera goes to the next video**  
**Outkast - Ms. Jackson - plays**  
**Camera goes back to the studio**  
**Hotaru is still staring at Freddie while he talks to guests in the audience**  
**Setsuna and Noah are waving out the broken window**  
Setsuna-sama - Welcome back! I hope ya guys liked that song!  
Noah Bastian - I did!  
Setsuna-sama - Wow…me too! What a coincidence!  
**Noah smiles**  
Hotaru-chan - Freddie is my King!  
Freddie Prinze Jr. - You bet I am!  
Hotaru-chan - LaLaLaLaLaLaaaaaa!  
**Freddie smiles too**  
Noah & Freddie - NUMBER TWO VIDEO!  
**Camera goes to video**  
**Shaggy - It Wasn't Me - plays**  
**Camera goes back to Hotaru & Setsuna**  
**Hotaru & Setsuna are staring at the floor, which is apparently where Noah & Freddie are**  
Setsuna-sama - You guys are…  
Hotaru-chan - Weird…  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah…  
**Camera points to the floor where the two guys are laying in large puddles of Grey Poupon and Lemonade**  
**Diana runs out**  
Diana - COMMERCIAL BREAK!  
**Screen goes blank**  
**Chibi-Usa pops up on the screen even though she's already dead**  
Chibi-Usa (singing) - I want chicken, I want BLOO-Liver…Meow Mix Meow Mix please deliver…  
**Some kitty pops up eating some Meow Mix**  
Chibi-Usa - BLOOD!  
Kitty - Meow!  
**Chibi-Usa jumps on the kitty and the commercial is cut off by the next one**  
**Next commercial starts**  
**Mamoru & Usagi pop up next to each other**  
Mamoru - We're selling BIG, SHINY, GREEN BOWS!  
Usagi - Oooooohhhh…I WANT ONE!  
Mamoru - NO…ME!  
Usagi - MEMEMEMEMEMEME!  
Mamoru - ME, DAMNIT!  
Usagi - AAAAHHHHHHH!  
**Usagi and Mamoru start clawing each other**  
**The three Starlights pop up**  
Fighter - Since these two are so stupid…  
Healer - We're gonna take over the commercial…  
Maker - Wait…Seiya, didn't you like Usagi?  
Fighter - DON'T BRING THAT UP!  
**Fighter attacks Maker**  
**Healer watches quietly**  
Healer - Ummm…you guys…  
Fighter & Maker - STAY OUT OF IT, YATEN!  
**Healer whimpers and the commercial ends**  
**Screaming**  
**Camera scans outside the studio**  
**Camera goes to Hotaru & Setsuna…yet again**  
Setsuna-sama - And now our number one video since I have tons of things I need to be doing right now…  
Hotaru-chan - Me too…we still haven't had our damn pool party!  
Noah Bastian - Pool party! I wanna come!  
Freddie Prinze Jr. - Me too!  
**Camera goes to video**  
**Dream - He Luvs You Not - plays**  
**Camera goes to studio, Setsuna-sama is sitting on a stool and Hotaru is beating Diana over and over with her Glaive**  
Setsuna-sama - That's the end of this dumbass show!  
Hotaru-chan - I AM **bang!** YOUR QUEEN! I WILL **bang!** RULE!  
Diana - Sorry…**whack** Hotaru **whack** !  
**Diana's head splits and everyone is sile-er quiet…**  
Noah Bastian - Bye!  
**Setsuna and Hotaru smile**  
**Setsuna brings out her Time Key and Hotaru holds up her Glaive**  
Setsuna & Hotaru - Bye!  
**WHAM!** 


	4. SMFS Weakest Link Ch 4

**Open crap does it's stupid stuff**  
Setsuna-sama - Hi…uh…people.  
Hotaru-chan - Yeah, today we're going to be playing, THE WEAKEST LINK!  
Setsuna-sama - Like we can't already guess who'll win this show…  
Hotaru-chan - Oh well…anyway! Our contests are-  
Setsuna-sama - Kakyuu Hime, Seiya Kou, Yaten Kou, Taiki Kou, Chibi Chibi, and that's all cause…well, Hotaru and I killed everyone else.  
Hotaru-chan - **anime sweat drop** heh heh…  
Setsuna-sama - Well, I'll ask the questions, and whoever is voted off will die by Hotaru's lovely little Glaive!  
Hotaru-chan - BWAHAHAHAHA!  
Setsuna-sama - Okay, so let's play…THE WEAKEST LINK!  
**Kakyuu, Seiya, Yaten, Taiki, and Chibi Chibi take their places**  
Setsuna-sama - Okay, we're gonna skip all that crap about who you are and what you do since, obviously, none of you are better than Hotaru or I. You can earn up to some really low amount of money in this round if you bank without me screaming, "Conditioner!"  
Hotaru-chan - Conditioner? Uh…why?  
Setsuna-sama - No…just…oh hush up Hotaru…**anime sweat drop** Okay, first question goes to Kakyuu. How many dimples are on a golf ball?  
Kakyuu Hime - Oh…ummm…er…I'd like to phone a friend!  
Setsuna-sama - No, that's not the answer you dumbass! AND THIS IS NOT WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE, SO TAKE YOU STUPID ATTITUDE AND SHUT UP! Seiya, what kind of jelly does not melt in hot tea? Mint Jelly or Grape Jelly?  
Seiya Kou - Grape…mint isn't a type of jelly.  
Setsuna-sama - Smartass…er…shut up. Yaten, what was the original color of coca-cola?  
Yaten Kou - Deep royal very dark minky kinky black?  
Setsuna-sama - That's a very nice color, but no, sadly, you're a fucking idiot. It's green! Taiki, what is the only English word that ends in "mt"?  
Taiki Kou - Dreamt.  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah…whatever. Chibi Chibi, what is your name?  
Chibi Chibi - CHIBI CHIBI!  
Setsuna-sama - Dude, this kid is smarter than Kakyuu and Yaten the dumbasses…ok, now vote off the weakest, most idiotic person you can think of.  
**They all write down their choice**  
Setsuna-sama - Okay, commercial break so I can get some Tylenol.  
**Screen cuts for commercial**  
**Screen opens with Makoto (before she died) and Chibi Chibi**  
Makoto - This is a commercial for rubber duckies!  
Chibi Chibi - Chibi Chibi!  
Makoto - Yeah! They are all so yellow and squeaky!  
Chibi Chibi - Bl-Chibi Chibi!  
Makoto - And they have funny orange beaks!  
Chibi Chibi - Blood-Chibi Chibi!  
Makoto - Uh…sure…and they are all named Mr. Rolly!  
Chibi Chibi - Blood…  
**Chibi Chibi pounces on top of Makoto and bits into her neck**  
**Screen quickly cuts to next commercial**  
**The words 'Champagne Cork' appear**  
**Setsuna-sama and Rei pop up**  
Rei - What the fuck?  
**Setsuna-sama pops the cork into Rei's mouth**  
Setsuna-sama - Enough said.  
**Commercial ends and we got back to the show**  
Setsuna-sama - Okay! Now let's look at the votes.  
Kakyuu Hime - Yaten.  
Seiya Kou - Chibi Chibi.  
Yaten Kou - Yaten…no…I mean! Oh shit!  
Hotaru-chan - Oh shit indeed dumbass, you just voted for yourself!  
Taiki Kou - Yaten.  
Chibi Chibi - Chib-Yaten.  
Setsuna-sama - I'm not gonna ask you why you voted for Yaten, cause he's a dumbass and everyone knows that. So get your ass out of here you stupid reject!  
**Yaten crys as Hotaru-chan zaps him into oblivion with her Silence Glaive**  
Setsuna-sama - Thanks oh mighty Queen!  
Hotaru-chan - No prob.  
Setsuna-sama - Okay, next round! Kakyuu, what is a jiffy?  
Kakyuu Hime - PEANUT BUTTER!  
Setsuna-sama - No, it is a unit of time. Seiya, what is the longest word you can type with your left hand?  
Seiya Kou - Rats?  
Setsuna-sama - No moron, it's stewardess. Taiki, when is nutmeg poisonous?  
Taiki Kou - When it is injected intravenously.  
Setsuna-sama - **anime sweat drop** Chibi Chibi, what is half your name?  
Chibi Chibi - Chibi?  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah, okay, vote the next dumbass off so I don't have to hear them anymore.  
Kakyuu Hime - Seiya.  
Seiya Kou - Chibi Chibi.  
Taiki Kou - I'm sorry, but Kakyuu.  
Chibi Chibi - Kak…Kakyuu.  
Setsuna-sama - I don't care if you're a fucking princess, get your damn ass over to the QUEEN!  
Hotaru-chan - Heh heh…**grins evilly**  
**Kakyuu disappears quickly as Hotaru-chan laughs**  
Setsuna-sama - Next round! Seiya, how fast does Heinz ketchup leave the bottle?  
Seiya Kou - 1000 seconds per hour…oh…no…I mean…oh…DAMNIT!  
Setsuna-sama - Ha…stupid, it's 25 miles per year. Taiki, what is a food that is an ingredient of dynamite?  
Taiki Kou - Peanuts.  
Setsuna-sama - Go screw a fork. Chibi Chibi, what is the brattiest little bitch's name that we killed awhile ago?  
Chibi Chibi - Chibi?  
Setsuna-sama - Yeah. Okay, vote again.  
**Setsuna-sama now has a person giving her a manicure and Hotaru-chan is eating a brown lemons and examining some starflakes**  
Seiya Kou - Chibi Chibi.  
Hotaru-chan - WHY IN HELL DO YOU KEEP VOTING FOR THE ONLY SMART PERSON ON THIS DAMN TEAM!  
Seiya Kou - I-er-I…umm…  
Hotaru-chan - THAT IS NOT AN ANSWER! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
**Seiya disappears in a cloud of smoke**  
Setsuna-sama - I guess we don't have to vote anymore…commercial!  
**Screen cuts to commercial**  
**Hotaru-chan pops up**  
Hotaru-chan - When the elections come…vote for me to be your superior, great, wonderful, insane, queen. OR ELSE!  
**Hotaru-chan blows up a bunch of stuff**  
**Screen goes to next commercial**  
**The dead Mamoru pops up**  
Mamoru - This is a commercial for VIAGRA!  
Little voice - Yeah, Mamoru can't get off without it!  
Mamoru - Hey…shut up!  
Little voice - And besides his 'thing' is soooo puny, no one will do it with him so he has to use a stuffed animal!  
Mamoru - What? I-no!  
Little voice - And HE HAS A CRUSH ON LUNA!  
Mamoru - Hey! THAT'S CONFIDENTIAL!  
**Little voice laughs and screen goes back to show**  
**Setsuna-sama and Hotaru-chan are laughing uncontrollably from the commercial**  
Setsuna-sama - Ah…okay…**wipes a tear from laughing so hard** Next…round. Taiki, how long can snails sleep?  
Taiki Kou - Three years.  
Setsuna-sama - Shut up. Chibi Chibi, what is the Japanese word for 'little'?  
Chibi Chibi - Chibi?  
Setsuna-sama - Uh huh. Well. Fuck you guys, HOTARU WINS CAUSE SHE BLEW UP ALL THE DUMBASSES!  
Chibi Chibi - Blood…Chibi?  
**Chibi Chibi's eyes glow**  
Chibi Chibi - BLOOD!  
**Chibi Chibi pounces on Setsuna-sama**  
Setsuna-sama - GET THE FUCK OFF!  
**Hotaru-chan blows up Chibi Chibi**  
Setsuna-sama - Thanks…come on…I'll go buy ya lunch Hotaru!  
Hotaru-chan - Okay!  
**Setsuna-sama and Hotaru-chan leave**  
Taiki Kou - Well…you know that was so not fair. I mean, I won, cause I'm a genius here. Okay, I win, and they just cheated and let Hotaru win? I mean, come on there's something wrong with this…  
**The whole building blows up as Hotaru-chan and Setsuna-sama walk away**  
**Screen goes black as it is hit with Taiki's body**  
  
  
  
((MR. ROLLY IS SOLE PROPERTY OF SPECY!)) 


	5. SMFS Gundam Intro

**Camera pans to center on Relena Peacecraft, who on a stage, speaking to the Audience about peace and all that crap. Heero Yuy is hiding behind a curtain above the stage, watching. This story picks up at the end of Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz. Hotaru and Setsuna, who are looking gorgeous (As usual!), are standing just off stage...**  
  
Relena - We need to now maintain the peace! Marimaya's Army, who was trying to take over our world, has been eliminated!  
  
Hotaru - **says in an sinister tone** It was so nice of you to get rid of that kid, and make way for me, Relena, really, I owe you one.  
  
**Hotaru and Setsuna are suddenly standing next to Relena**  
  
Setsuna - Yeah, were do owe her one, don't we? **smacks Relena with her Time Key, Relena passes out, and falls to the floor, an Inner Senshi runs in, and drags Relena off the stage**  
  
Hotaru - I am the Universe's Queen now! I thank you all for coming to my coronation...its very kind of you... **evil grin** Setsuna - Bow to your Queen! **Crickets chirp and the audience doesn't move** Setsuna - I SAID BOW, DAMNIT! **No change** Hotaru - LISTEN TO THE ROYAL ADVISOR! **No change** **Setsuna jumps down off the stage, grabs a person in the front, and drags them back up onto the stage. Then she pulls out a gun** Setsuna - Bow right now, or this kid gets some lead in the head. **Random people start bowing, which makes other follow suit. Eventually the whole audience is bowing, and Setsuna looks pleased with herself. Then she sees whom she grabbed and grins** Setsuna - You can take it from here, Hotaru. **Setsuna runs off the stage, dragging Vin Diesel behind her** Hotaru - Ummm.thanks. I would just like to say that I don't care if you don't like me. I'm ruling you all anyway. You don't get a choice; this isn't a damn democracy. It's a monarchy.or more like, a Hotaruarchy. Since I will live forever and the ruler will never change. Hotaru - **she speaks sweetly, but just plain evil taints it** I'm sorry to spoil your little dreams of peace, and democracy...but, as you can see, little things like that just don't survive in the real world. There is always one that is stronger than the others, and that one person is chosen to lead, and to rule. And, in case you didn't know, I'm that one...Why you ask?  
  
**Crickets...people are too stunned to ask why**  
  
Hotaru - BECAUSE I CAN DESTROY THE WORLD, THATS WHY! MUAHAHAHA!  
  
**Makoto runs onto the stage, and begs the Queen to calm down, she then turns to explain to the audience**  
  
Makoto - Just an update for you all, Hotaru is the Solider of Destruction, and the Firefly of Death, and she's the most powerful Senshi...that's why she's so special!  
  
Audience member - Hotaru and Setsuna killed all the other Senshi!  
  
*Hotaru pushed Makoto off the stage, and answers**  
  
Hotaru - Yeah, we did, except the other outers! But then I realized I needed them to take over your little world, so Setsuna went back in time, and erased all the killing, heh...BACK TO MY CORONATION!  
  
**The ceremony continues, Hotaru is proclaimed Queen of the Universe, Setsuna is off somewhere with that Diesel guy, and The 5 Gundam-W guys are being called together** Dr. J - You all need to try and kill this Hotaru person. Wufei - Why? Dr. J - Because. Wufei - Because why? **Dr. J and the other pilots look at Wufei angrily** Heero - Shut up. Wufei - Why? **Trowa takes out his flute and whacks Wufei on the head** Duo - When? Dr. J - Now. All - Okay. **The pilots, excluding the unconscious Wufei, take off in their Gundams to catch Hotaru before she can return home. They arrive just as Setsuna and Hotaru are pulling into the Royal Palace's driveway** Quatre - Stop right there! Hotaru - Eh? Setsuna - Who the hell. Hotaru - Are you robots or guys? If you're guys come on down. Setsuna - Yeah! Come on down and wink. I'll do the rest. **The two girls fall over laughing hysterically** **All the Gundam boys look very confused**  
  
Duo - We're here to stop your reign of the world Hotaru! I'm the God of Death, and were gonna take you two, and violence along with us to Hell!  
  
Hotaru - God of Death, you say?  
  
Duo - Yeah!  
  
Hotaru - Oooo, well, Shinigami, you need to come down here and pay your Firefly a visit!  
  
**Confused look on Duo's face**  
  
Setsuna - She's the Soldier of Destruction, and the Firefly of Death, she could also be referred to as the Goddess of Death, however...  
  
**Duo's face suddenly lights up**  
  
Duo - Heh heh, well now...I don't see what's so bad about you ruling the world... **Setsuna, Trowa, and Heero all roll their eyes** Setsuna - **taps her foot** I'm still waiting. Hotaru - Yeah.come down here! Duo - Okay! Heero - Hey wait. **Duo jumps out of Deathscythe and the rest of the Gundams bang their heads on their controls in annoyance** Setsuna - You guys wanna come play? Maybe some sex and pizza? Trowa - **cool and frustrated** I don't like pizza. Setsuna - Neither do I. Maybe just some sex then. **Heero and Trowa raise their eyebrows** Heero - This is not turning out right. Trowa - You're telling me. Quatre - Hey.do you have any water? I'm thirsty. Hotaru - So's Setsuna. **Setsuna laughs nervously and shakes her head** Trowa - Oh brother. Setsuna - Try 'Oh Sets'. It sounds better. Quatre - What? Hotaru - Heh.nevermind her. Hey, what's your name, Shinigami? Duo - Duo. Hotaru - I like Shinigami better. Duo - Yeah...me too...  
  
**Suddenly out of nowhere, Wufei comes, piloting Nataku, rampaging over to where all the Gundams, and the New Queen and her Advisor are***  
  
Wufei - I WILL KILL YOU!  
  
Setsuna - Ooooookay...  
  
Wufei - YOU ARE WEAK!  
  
Hotaru - Me?  
  
Wufei - YES!  
  
Hotaru - You talkin' to me?  
  
Wufei - YES! DUH!  
  
Hotaru - You coming by my house, stomping on my flowers, callin' me weak? And you dare to be talkin' to me?  
  
Setsuna - Hey, that's a new way of talking Hotaru...  
  
Wufei - I already said YES! YOU ARE WEAK! I WILL KILL YOU!  
  
Setsuna - Whoa buddy!  
  
Hotaru - Ok, I can already tell, we aren't going to get along with this guy... Setsuna - Certainly not. Heero - Wufei, will you shut the hell up? Trowa - Yeah. Duo - You're cramping our style. **Quatre jumps out of his Gundam and hides behind Setsuna. She looks back at him and then towards Heero and Trowa in their Gundams** Setsuna - Is this kid for real? Trowa - Sadly. Wufei - I WILL KILL YOU ALL! INCLUDING HEERO! HAHAHAHA **All of a sudden Heavyarms erupts into gunfire** **Quatre, Duo, Setsuna, and Hotaru all stare in awe** Setsuna - Hello my new best friend. Hotaru - Guns. Duo - Death. Hotaru and Duo - Oooooooooo. Quatre - Ouch.that must've hurt. Heero - Just a bit. Trowa - Well.now that I've wasted all my ammo on him, I suppose I'll come down. **Trowa hops out of his Gundam and Setsuna almost falls over, but Quatre catches her like a little innocent gentleman** Trowa - What's with her? Hotaru - **giggles** Ummm.let's just say she has a certain.weakness.and. Setsuna - I love you. **Everyone stops talking and moving and everything. Trowa looks at Setsuna uncertainly, who is staring back with hearts in her eyes** Trowa - Uh. Hotaru - SETS! Setsuna - Hmmm? Hotaru - Get a grip. Setsuna - With pleasure. **Setsuna latches herself onto Trowa's arm** Hotaru - -_-; Not what I meant. Duo - So, why did you two feel like you had to take over the world?  
  
Setsuna - We were bored one day.  
  
Hotaru - It sounded fun!  
  
Setsuna - And Hotaru is the perfect ruler.  
  
Hotaru - And Setsuna is the perfect advisor...  
  
Setsuna and Hotaru - Thus, the world's newest ruler and her lovely and talented advisor!  
  
**Giggles from both**  
  
Heero - Well now.  
  
Setsuna and Hotaru - WATER!  
  
Hotaru - CITY!  
  
Setsuna - WATER!  
  
**Both go into hysteria**  
  
**All the Gundam boys get a sweatdrop, and look annoyed**  
  
Trowa - **grumbles to Heero** These are the two that are supposed to rule the universe?  
  
Heero - This will be interesting...  
  
Setsuna - **still giggling, hugs Trowa's arm again** Do you sleep on your stomach?  
  
Trowa - **tenses up at Setsuna's sudden "unwanted physical contact". He only moves his eyes, and responds in his classic, cold, mysterious tone** No...  
  
Setsuna - Then can I?!?!  
  
Quatre - I don't get it.  
  
Hotaru - Oh my...  
  
Duo - **says to Hotaru quietly** Heh...he's innocent all right...  
  
**Suddenly Heero pulls out a gun and points it at Hotaru**  
  
Heero - Ok, this has been amusing...but say goodbye!  
  
Duo - **chuckles to himself** I've heard that before... Hotaru - Now just a second there.why are you going to kill me? Trowa - Didn't we answer that already? **Setsuna and Hotaru both think about this** Setsuna - Nooooo. Hotaru - I don't believe so. Duo - Oh! Well, it's because you can't rule the universe. Hotaru - Who says? Quatre - Ummm. Duo - You know, I have no idea. Setsuna - Well! Now that that's settled, let's all go inside and have some piña coladas. Trowa - No. Setsuna - Please? Trowa - No. Setsuna - I'll let go of your arm, if we do. Trowa - Let's go then! **Setsuna grins and lets go of Trowa's arm. Then she holds on to it again** Setsuna - I never said for how long. Hotaru - Well, Shinigami, what do you say? Duo - Actually I prefer gin. Hotaru - We have that too. I mean, I'm the Queen of the Universe; I get my own private mini bar! Duo - Really. Hotaru - Yep! Being the Ruler of the Universe sure is fun, heehehee!  
  
Trowa - Heero, will you please get Setsuna off of me?  
  
Heero - **points gun at Setsuna** Say goodbye...  
  
Hotaru - Ok, that's getting really old...  
  
**Hotaru's glaive suddenly appears, and she blasts the gun into oblivion**  
  
Heero - Hey!  
  
Quatre - I don't like all this violence! Lets all be friends!  
  
**Setsuna grabs Trowa's arm again**  
  
Setsuna - Yes! Lets be friends...  
  
**Hotaru looks up to Deathscythe with hearts in her eyes**  
  
Hotaru - Boy I love that Gundam...  
  
Duo - Heh, I know, I love it too...Hey! You wanna go for a ride in Deathscythe?  
  
Hotaru - **jumps up and down excitedly** Yeah! Yeah!  
  
**Duo and Hotaru get in Deathscythe, and Trowa, Quatre, Heero, and Setsuna are on the ground**  
  
*Crickets*  
  
Quatre - What a lovely day! It always nice to go for a spin in Sandrock.  
  
**Crickets**  
  
Quatre - Oooooookayyy...  
  
**uncomfortable SILENCE! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! AHHAHAHAAHA!** Setsuna - Alcohol. Trowa and Heero - Yeah. **The three go into the palace to get some drinks** Quatre - Hey.is Wufei okay? **Deathscythe takes off with Hotaru and Duo** Quatre - Ummm.guys? **Crickets** Quatre - There's a lot of crickets around here.Hotaru might want to get an exterminator or something. **All of a sudden Nataku crashes into the ground** **Quatre screams and runs inside and crashes into Setsuna. Setsuna looses her balance and falls into Trowa** Setsuna - Do you mind if I invade your personal space? Trowa - Yes. Setsuna - Okay, well.can you help me find my puppy? Trowa - Where'd it go? Setsuna - Into my bedroom. **Heero and Trowa get sweatdrops and Quatre starts jumping up and down** Quatre - Puppies are cute! **Now Setsuna gets a sweatdrop too** Setsuna - Hand me that bottle. **Heero gives Setsuna the bottle of rum. She puts it in a glass with ice** **Setsuna then goes into the den where she sits down on the sofa and starts to drink the rum. Not knowing what to do, the three other guys follow her. Quatre sits down on one side of her and Heero on the other. Trowa keeps a safe distance over on the other side of the room** Heero - I think I'll kill you now. **Heero taps Setsuna on the shoulder because she is paying no attention to him. He doesn't realize that she has already become drunk and she falls into the coffee table, hits her head, passes out on the floor and starts bleeding** Quatre - Oh dear! Heero - Well.close to killing. Trowa - Heh. Quatre - Get some ice! Heero - She used it all in her drink. Trowa - And her Highness is back. Quatre - Uh oh. **Meanwhile, in Deathscythe.** Hotaru - OoOoO!!! This is so fun! I want a Gundam, have all this POOOOWEERRR! Duo - **Raises eyebrow** You want MORE power? Hotaru - Why not? Duo - Heh heh, you're my kind of girl! Hotaru - What does this button do? **She pushes a big blue button** **All of a sudden one of the bushes near the palace gets trimmed.majorly** Hotaru - Oops...hehe! Duo - Now try this one. **Duo and Hotaru go to press the same button and their hands meet** Duo - Heh. Hotaru - Ah.what the hell. **Hotaru grabs Duo and starts making out with him. As they end, about five minutes later, Duo leans back in his chair with a huge grin. Hotaru pulls out a compact and reapplies her lipstick** Duo - Let's try that again! **Duo moves in for a kiss and Hotaru puts her hand over his mouth** Hotaru - First we need to go see if that one kid has died. Sets can get awfully mad if anyone tries that kind of shit on her. Duo - What if it was Trowa? Hotaru - Well. **Hotaru and Duo hop down out of the Gundam and walk into the palace. There they see Quatre and Trowa sitting on the couch with Setsuna seeming asleep in between them with a large hat on. Heero was standing, looking out a nearby window.** Duo - What happened to her? Trowa - She was tired. Hotaru - Hardly. Setsuna never gets tired. Unless she passes out. But that's a different story. Anyone hungry? Quatre - I am! How about some pizza? **At this Setsuna's head sprang up from leaning back and her eyes opened wide.** Setsuna - PIZZA MAN! Hotaru - HE DELIEVERS! Setsuna - Okay, Trowa. Go get a pizza. Trowa - Why me? Hotaru - Because she says so. Heero - And you'll get away from her. Trowa - Later. **Trowa leaves and you hear the limo pulling away** **Setsuna whispers something to Hotaru and Hotaru nods, grinning evilly** Hotaru - Okay, I'm going to need Quatre and Heero to go into the kitchen and get out plates and cups and that sort of thing. Duo, if you would care to follow me upstairs. Duo - SURE! **Everyone except Setsuna leaves the room. Setsuna starts running about the place like crazy, grabbing candles, stones, and incense. She spreads all this around the room and turns the lights off. Then she pulls out a glass and a bottle and pours some of the reddish liquid into the glass.** Setsuna - Heh. **Trowa arrives back with a pizza in hand and Setsuna leads him into the room with the candles and such.** Trowa - Why is it so dark in here? And what's that smell? Setsuna - Oh, nothing. Why don't you sit down and have a drink? You look tired. Trowa - Well.okay. **Trowa drinks some of the liquid and starts getting sleepy. Then he turns to Setsuna.** Trowa - You're pretty. **Setsuna grins and cuddles up next to Trowa. Suddenly Quatre comes in asking a question.** Quatre - What kind of pop.hey? Setsuna - Ah, Quatre. So nice to see you. **angry glare** Quatre - I.um. **Suddenly Heero comes in and looks at Setsuna like a crazy man.** Heero - How did you manage to do that?!?!? Setsuna - What? This? **Setsuna motions to Trowa who was now almost asleep** Simple. Heero - Grrr. Setsuna - Don't growl. That's Hotaru's thing. **Quatre and Heero stand speechlessly as Duo and Hotaru come in, looking a bit disheveled.** Duo - How's the party? Hotaru - Well I think Sets is having a good time. Setsuna - And I think we should take this time to sing a little tune for the boys, Hotaru-chan. Hotaru - Right! **Hotaru runs over to the stereo and fools around with it for a bit to put it on the right CD and song while Setsuna prepares a quick stage for them and sits the other three boys down.** Setsuna - There was a time-I don't know when, I didn't have much time for men. But this is now-and that was then, I'm learning! Hotaru - A girl alone-all on her own, must try to have a heart of stone. So I try not to make it known, my yearning! I try to show I have no need- Setsuna - I really do-I don't succeed. Both - So let's bring on the men, and let the fun begin. A little touch of sin, why wait another minute? Step this way, it's time for us to play. So lets waste no more time, bring on the men! Hotaru - I always knew-I always said, that silk and lace-in black and red, will drive a man right out of his head. It's easy! **Hotaru disappears behind a Japanese screen quickly** Setsuna - So many men, so little time. I want 'em all-is that a crime? Trowa (sleepily) - No! Setsuna - I don't know why they say that I'm too easy! **Hotaru pops out from behind the screen, now wearing a low cut, short, red silk dress with black lace.** Hotaru - They make me laugh-they make me cry. Setsuna - They make me sick. Both - So God knows why.we say bring on the men, and let the fun begin. A little touch of sin, why wait another minute? Step this way, it's time for us to play. So lets waste no more time, bring on the men! Hotaru - They break your heart. Setsuna - They steal your soul. Hotaru - Take you apart, and yet they somehow make you whole. Setsuna - So what's their game? Hotaru - I s'pose a rose by any other name, the perfume and the pricks the same! Setsuna - I like to have a man, for breakfast each day. Hotaru - I'm very social, and I like it that way. **Hotaru winks at Duo, who grins** Setsuna - By late mid-morning, I need something to munch.so I ask over, two men for lunch! Hotaru - And men are mad, about my afternoon teas.they're quite informal, I just do it to please! Setsuna - Those triple sandwiches, are my favorite ones. I'm also very partial. Both - To buns! Hotaru - My healthy appetite gets strongest at night. Setsuna - My at-home dinners are my men-friends' delight. Hotaru - When I invite the fellers, over to dine. Setsuna - They all come early. Both - An' we're in bed by nine! So let's bring on the men, and let the fun begin. A little touch of sin, why wait another minute? Step this way, it's time for us to play. So lets waste no more time, bring on the men! Big men, small men, short men, tall men, I guess that almost means ALL men! I'm a player, as long as they are men! **All the boys except Heero clap, Duo and Trowa drooling and Quatre merely delighted.** Hotaru - I know.I'm wonderful. Setsuna - Well. Anyway.we quite honestly better send you boys off. **Setsuna ushers Quatre and Heero out of the palace, returning a minute or so later to see Hotaru already on Duo's lap.** Setsuna - I guess I expected that. Trowa - Sets? May I call you Sets? Setsuna - Of course! Trowa - Could you maybe show me your room? **hic** **Setsuna looks to Hotaru, who winks, and the four head upstairs into the two girls' bedrooms. The door shuts in the cameras face and here ends the fic.** 


	6. SMFS Gundam Wing Ch 5

**Opening credits and music**  
**We see Setsuna sitting on a large, crimson, leather couch and Hotaru on a purple bed (why is there a bed in the room? Don't know)**  
Setsuna - Hey guys…what up? This isn't really a neat MTV show or game show or anything…sorry…but…  
Hotaru - You know how we kinda…killed everyone from Sailor Moon off?  
Setsuna - Well-  
Hotaru - Water!  
Setsuna - HA! CITY!  
Hotaru - WATER!  
**Hotaru and Setsuna started laughing like mad**  
Setsuna - Anyway…oh **wipes a tear from her eye** we decided to terrorize people from a different anime.  
Hotaru - Gundam Wing!  
**Knock at the door**  
Hotaru - Come in!  
**'Trowa Barton' and Duo Maxwell from Gundam come in**  
Setsuna - Hey guys!  
Trowa - Hi Setsuna-sama!  
Setsuna - Oh please…Setsuna is fine.  
Hotaru - How's it going Duo?  
Duo - Well--  
Setsuna - WATER!  
**Hotaru smacks Setsuna with her Glaive**  
Duo - I still am the God of Death…that's an up point, right?  
Hotaru - Definitely.  
Setsuna - Yeah…anyway! What show should we do to kill people off? I personally still like Death Match.  
Hotaru - Shouldn't we have some variety though?  
Setsuna - I guess…maybe…  
Hotaru - Yes, no, maybe so, yes, no, maybe so!  
Setsuna - Maybe, Maybe not!  
**Setsuna and Hotaru start laughing again**  
Trowa - Have you two been shooting up?  
Duo - Let's check!  
**Duo grabs Hotaru's arm and Trowa grabs Setsuna's**  
Trowa - No signs here.  
Duo - Hmmm…no needle marks here either!  
Setsuna - Hmmmm!!!!!!!  
**Hotaru and Setsuna start laughing harder**  
**Duo and Trowa look at each other**  
Duo - Do it.  
**Trowa pulls out his clown mask and holds it up so Setsuna sees**  
Setsuna - AAAAAAHHHHHHH!  
Hotaru - Fucking clowns!!!!!  
Setsuna - MAKE IT GO AWAY, DAMNIT!  
**Trowa puts the mask away**  
Setsuna - How could you! **glares at Trowa**  
Trowa - I-I-I'm sorry Setsuna! I had to!  
Setsuna - Well-  
Hotaru - Water.  
Setsuna - Okay…just don't do it again.  
Trowa - **gets on his knees** I won't!  
Setsuna - …  
Hotaru - …  
Duo - …  
Trowa - What?!?!  
Setsuna - GET OFF YOUR KNEES! YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!  
Hotaru - My thoughts exactly.  
Duo - I mean…that's just too much emotion coming from you man. Sickening.  
Trowa - Okay…I'll be cold and just mysteriously strange again.  
Setsuna - Good.  
Hotaru - Can we kill someone now?  
Setsuna - OoOoOhH, good idea!  
Duo - I'll do it, I mean…I am the God of Death.  
Hotaru - Hey, hey, woah…wait a minute here! I am the Warrior of Silence, and death brings silence, so I am the Goddess/Queen of Death!  
Setsuna - My girl here has a point…  
Trowa - But we are very experienced-  
Setsuna & Hotaru - SHUT UP!  
**Trowa smiles dryly and backs down**  
Duo - But I-  
Hotaru - NO!  
Setsuna - Yes?  
**Setsuna and Hotaru start laughing again**  
**Duo grins and runs off**  
**Screen goes black**  
**CoMmErCiAl BrEaK**  
**Wufei Chang and 'Heero Yuy' pop up**  
Heero - What the fuck am I doing here? I was vacationing with Relena and--  
Wufei - LET'S FIGHT, HEERO!  
Heero - What? We aren't fighting anymore jackass. Our gundams are gone.  
Wufei - FIST FIGHT!  
Heero - **holds up a bomb blower-upper trigger thing** Stop right there.  
Wufei - **runs toward Heero** YAAAAAA!  
**Heero presses the button on the trigger and Wufei blows up**  
Heero - **sighs** Sadly, this is only special effects people…he's not really dead.  
**Hotaru and Setsuna pop up**  
Setsuna - Maybe not yet…  
Hotaru - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
**Back to Hotaru, Setsuna, Trowa, and Duo**  
**Hotaru and Setsuna are both lying on the bed laughing hysterically while Trowa and Duo look on**  
Duo - What are they on?  
Trowa - Like I know…I sure as hell didn't give them anything.  
Duo - Neither did I.  
Trowa - **shrugs**  
Duo - **shrugs too**  
Setsuna - Oh…oh man…that's great stuff. Do it again!!!!  
Hotaru - SPLEEN!!!!  
**Hotaru and Setsuna keep laughing**  
Trowa - Hey… **whispers something to Duo**  
Duo - **grins**  
**Trowa and Duo walk quietly out the door**  
**Duo and Trowa come back in about two minutes later, Hotaru and Setsuna are still laughing like crazy**  
Trowa - Oh ladies-  
Duo - DUCKS!  
**Hotaru and Setsuna immediately snap to attention**  
Setsuna - WHAT!?!?  
Hotaru - Where?  
Setsuna - **jumps up** LET ME AT THEM!!!! THOSE DUCKS…DAMN DUCKS!  
Hotaru - GRRRRRRRR!  
**Trowa drags in Wufei who is dressed as a duck and has duck tape (no pun intended) over his mouth**  
Setsuna - …  
Hotaru - …  
Setsuna - You know if you wanted us to kill him, you could've just asked.  
Hotaru - Yeah…we don't like him. Didn't you watch the fucking commercial?  
Trowa - Cool. Now if you don't mind-  
Duo - Kill the bastard.  
Setsuna & Hotaru - Our pleasure!  
**Setsuna & Hotaru start beating the crap out of Wufei**  
Setsuna - Wait…we're going about this all wrong.  
Hotaru - You're right. SATURN CRYSTAL POWER!  
Setsuna - PLUTO CRYSTAL POWER!  
Hotaru & Setsuna - MAKE UP!  
**All that pretty sparkly stuff happens and Hotaru changes to Sailor Saturn, and Setsuna changes to Sailor Pluto**  
Sailor Pluto - Ready?  
Sailor Saturn - Yup!  
Trowa - Woah…  
Duo - Ditto.  
Sailor Pluto - I call upon the father, Cronus! I request you to make TIME STOP!  
**Time stops for Wufei while everyone else grins**  
Sailor Saturn - SILENCE GLAIVE SURPRISE!  
**Wufei, still frozen by time, explodes into pieces that go into oblivion**  
Duo - That was SWEET!  
Trowa - Hell yes.  
Sailor Pluto - Thanks!  
Sailor Saturn - Well…what do expect from us?  
**Sailor Pluto and Sailor Saturn change back into Setsuna and Hotaru**  
Setsuna - Now…what do you say we go get something to eat.  
Hotaru - Yeah, stopping time and killing a dude totally take the energy out of us girls.  
Duo - Hey, sure!  
Trowa - Duo, you're paying.  
Duo - WHAT!?!?  
Trowa - Well, the girls aren't going to, that's a given. And I could whoop your ass, so you're paying.  
Duo - Hey, wait now! You couldn't whoop my ass, buddy!  
Trowa - Who cares…you're paying anyway.  
Duo - Ugh! All right…  
**Setsuna, Hotaru, Duo, and Trowa all start walking away**  
Setsuna - Wait a minute…did we forget something?  
Hotaru - Oh yeah! Duh!  
**Setsuna and Hotaru pull out the bomb triggers**  
Setsuna - Bye-  
Hotaru - Bye.  
**Setsuna and Hotaru both push the buttons and the screen goes black** 


	7. SMFS Pool Party Ch 6

**Camera zooms down from the sky and Barenaked Ladies "Falling For the First Time" blares out of somewhere**  
**Camera gets close enough for us to see Hotaru and Setsuna listening to the song on their really cool and big boom box**  
**Setsuna is sitting on a dark red cushioned lawn chair with sunglasses and a bikini on, Hotaru is lighting numerous tiki torches around the pool**  
Hotaru - Hey!  
Setsuna - Yo!  
Hotaru - This is our pool party that we said we were going to have, and we let the news reporters cover it.  
Setsuna - Yeah, and considering we just took over the acre of land by Bucky's, we thought we'd put the spot to good use.  
Hotaru - Oh yeah. And we're having our pool party at night so I don't get any sun on my self. Setsuna so graciously let me do this, even though she won't tan now.  
Setsuna - What's an advisor for?  
Hotaru - Hehehehehe  
Setsuna - Anyway…we don't really expect anyone tonight, but considering it's us-  
**We hear a familiar voice coming from the front gate**  
Duo - Hotaru! Hey, girl, can you let me in?  
Hotaru - Lemme think about it. Hmmm…ok!  
Setsuna - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Hotaru - Well!  
Setsuna - Water!  
Hotaru & Setsuna - HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Duo - God, not again! Don't you guys ever stop?  
Hotaru - Hehehehe, yeah. Hey, I better go get my swimsuit on!  
Setsuna - Ok, see ya in a minute.  
**Hotaru leaves the pool area**  
Setsuna - So, Duo, how's Deathscythe?  
Duo - Great! He and I destroyed a whole colony the other day.  
Setsuna - Woah buddy.  
**Another familiar voice yells from the front gate**  
Trowa - Hey.  
Setsuna - Oh, hey Trowa! It's open!  
Trowa - Cool.  
**Trowa enters the pool area and sits down on a chair next to Setsuna**  
**Hotaru comes back out in a black bikini with purple flowers on it**  
Hotaru - Hi Trowa!  
**Trowa nods to Hotaru**  
**Hotaru sits down on one of the tall stools at the bar as we hear someone banging on the gate and laughing loudly**  
Duo - Well now…  
Setsuna - Water!  
Hotaru & Setsuna - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
**Hotaru laughs so hard she falls off her stool**  
Trowa - **anime sweat drop**  
Duo - Oh man! Hotaru, I'm coming!  
**Duo runs over just as Zechs wanders in the pool area**  
Zechs - Hahaha…hehehe  
**We see that Zechs is walking drunkenly and carrying a bottle of Wild Turkey**  
Trowa - Oh god.  
**Setsuna jumps up and grabs the Wild Turkey and starts drinking it**  
Setsuna - WILD TURKEY!!!!  
Trowa - Wild Turkey, yay **He takes a bottle of Wild Turkey and starts to drink it**  
Zechs - HI ALL! What's up!? AHAHHA!!! I MADE A JOKE!!!! WHAT'S UP!!!! HA!  
Setsuna - Oh my God…  
Trowa - What in the hells wrong with him?  
Setsuna - So Zechs, a little too much Wild Turkey, eh?  
Zechs - No! The party's just begun! Haaa!  
**Meanwhile Duo ran over to the Mini Bar. He peers behind it to see Hotaru still laughing on the ground**  
Hotaru - WATER! HA HA HA!!!!  
Duo - My sweet little Firefly, do you need some help?  
Hotaru - Hello there Duo… **Grabs him by the collar and pulls him down**  
Duo - Hehe, hi there, Hotaru…  
**After about her fourth bottle of Wild Turkey, Setsuna starts walking drunkenly and laughing hysterically and Trowa isn't effected at all**  
Setsuna - Well Water, Trowa! **starts in a fit of giggling and falls down to her knees**  
Trowa - Yes.  
Setsuna - Hehehehehe  
Trowa - Setsuna, are you okay?  
Setsuna - Yeeeeees! **She keeps laughing and gets up only to stumble again**  
Trowa - **Smiles wryly and catches her** I think it's time to sit down for a while.  
Setsuna - Sit down? Why? **starts giggling**  
Trowa - Well…you don't want to hurt yourself, do you?  
Zechs - She's not gonna hurt herself Trowba!  
**Zechs trips over his feet and falls into the pool**  
Setsuna - HA! **Setsuna starts another fit of giggling as Trowa holds her up**  
Trowa - **anime sweat drops**  
**Zechs surfaces and is laughing gaily**  
Zechs - HAHA!  
**Duo comes back from behind the bar, his hair a bit disheveled and his collar unbuttoned slightly and carrying Hotaru**  
Setsuna - Hotaru!!!!!! Hehehe, WILD TURKEY!  
Trowa - **picks Setsuna up** Here we go, Setsuna.  
Setsuna - WEEEE!  
Trowa - **sets Setsuna down on her chair and then sits at the foot of it** Setsuna, can I have that bottle?  
Setsuna - Hehehehe! **she gives it to Trowa and he chucks it into the pool**  
Zechs - OOOOH!!!! **he grabs it and starts drinking the remainder**  
Hotaru - Heh, thank you for helping me up… **she starts to wrap a piece of hair around her finger**  
Duo - Anytime…  
Setsuna - Ooo, Trowa? Will you help me up?  
Trowa: You're not on the ground.  
Setsuna: Ooh! **she starts to giggle hysterically**  
Hotaru - Oh! I think I left one of my earrings behind the mini bar **She gets up from Duo's lap***  
Duo - I better help you with that!  
Hotaru - Ok! Why not!  
**The two disappear behind the mini bar AGAIN, Zechs is splashing around in the pool, still, and just then Hildi stops by**  
Hildi - Hi everybody! Sorry to just barge in like this!!!  
Setsuna - No! That's ok… **giggles**  
Hildi - Oook…Anyways, have you seen Duo?  
Trowa - Ahhh…  
Hildi - That's ok, I was just wondering, I'm gonna make myself a drink…want one?  
Trowa - NOOO!!!  
Hildi - Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you don't drink… **just then she arrives at the mini bar**  
Hildi - OH MY GOD!  
**Hildi sees Duo, who's hair is completely down, and a slightly tousled Hotaru…the two get up quickly**  
Hildi - HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON!?!?  
Duo - Um, 30 minutes…?  
Hildi - NO STUPID! YOUR AFFAIR WITH MISS QUEEN OF THE WORLD!  
Duo - Oh, um…a long time…  
Hildi - WHAT!?!?   
Duo - Hey! It's not like were married…  
Hildi - YOU JACKASS!  
Hotaru - Wait, did you just call Duo a Jackass?  
Hildi - YES YOU LITTLE BITCH!  
Hotaru - ALL RIGHT! That does it! **the great Queen's glaive suddenly appears as she yells** SILENCE GLAIVE SURPRISE!!!!!!  
**Hildi screams and disappears**  
Hotaru - Ok, now…where were we?  
Duo - Hehe…  
Setsuna - Troooowa!  
Trowa - What.  
Setsuna - Catch me! **she falls off the lawn chair and onto the concrete ground**  
Trowa - **anime sweat drops**  
**Just then, Wufei runs in**  
Wufei - Where is he???????  
**Wufei grabs Setsuna, shakes her, and throws her into the pool**  
Wufei - WHERE IS THAT ASSHOLE!  
Trowa - Heero isn't here, moron.  
**Setsuna surfaces and looks at Trowa, she nods from Wufei to the pool**  
Trowa - Hey, Wufei-  
Wufei - What???????  
**Trowa pushes Wufei into the pool**  
Trowa - You're a dumbass.  
Setsuna - HELLO BUDDY!  
**Setsuna grabs Wufei by his newly damp collar and pulls him over to her**  
Setsuna - HOW ARE YOU!!!!!!  
**Setsuna takes the Wild Turkey bottle from Zechs and smashes it over Wufei's head and lets him sink. She then gets out of the pool, highly pissed off still, and no longer acting completely drunk**  
Trowa - How did you become, um, undrunk?  
Setsuna - Oh **suddenly looking very cool** It's just an Outer Senshi thing you know…  
Trowa - Sure…  
Setsuna - So, how's the circus?  
Trowa - Oh, cool! I mean, you know, the clowns are scary but…  
**Suddenly Zechs pops up from the pool**  
Zechs - HEY EVERYBODY! WANNA HEAR A FUNNY JOKE!?!?!?! HAHAHAHAAAA! WHY ARE YOU ALL SO SILENT??!?!?! HA! I'M THE QUEEN! SILNCE! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Everybody (including justice freak) freezes in fear…they all stop talking…waiting to see what Hotaru will do next…** (note, Hotaru wrote that word….)  
Duo - My little Goddess of Death…  
Hotaru - Ooohhh…Duo… **giggles**  
**Setsuna sighs and a little anime sweat drop appears and one of those sighing mushroom looking like things appears in front of her mouth**  
Setsuna - **whispers to Trowa** I don't think she heard…  
**They all sit in silence (note, the word just before this note is approved by Hotaru) still in fear**  
Hotaru - Naughty, naughty Shinigami… **more giggles** WAIT! **Suddenly Hotaru pops up from behind the bar with Duo still clinging to her** Did I just hear someone say silence???  
**Crickets chirping as everybody looks at the ground**  
Setsuna - **mutters** That took her long enough…  
**Hotaru drops Duo and reaches up into the sky**  
Hotaru - SATURN CRYSTAL POWER!  
Duo - Owww…  
**A bunch of pretty sparkly stuff happens as a naked Hotaru spins around a lot and stupid game show like Japanese music plays…soon she lands on the ground again with her Glaive**  
Sailor Saturn - HOW DARE YOU SAY SILENCE, ZECHS!   
Zechs - Hehe. Hehe, silence! Ha!  
Sailor Saturn - You stupid, drunk bastard! Now pay with you life!!! DEATH REBORN REVOLUTION!  
**A big blackish purple beam like thingy shoots from Sailor Saturn's Glaive straight towards Zechs**  
Setsuna - Zechs!  
**Setsuna pushes Wufei in front of the path of death, the beam smashes into Wufei, who screams like a girl, Sailor Saturn returns to a normal, even more tousled than before**  
Hotaru - What'd ya do that for Setsuna?  
Setsuna - Well...one...we all hate Wufei and two, Zechs is cool and brought the alcohol…  
Hotaru - Fair enough…  
Setsuna - Hotaru?  
Hotaru - Yeah.  
Setsuna - Hehe, your swimsuit is kinda in disarray…  
***Hotaru blushes**  
Hotaru - Oh, hehe, I guess Duo and I are having a little too much fun **smiles, does the weird put her hand behind her head thing as a anime sweat drop appears**  
Setsuna - Oh brother…  
Zechs - Ummm…S-Setsuna?  
Setsuna - Yo.  
Zechs - Ummm…Wild Turkey?  
Setsuna - Nah, we ran out yesterday, how about a mudslide?  
Zechs - **perks up** YEAH!  
Setsuna - Right. **rings the little bell and a servant appears** A large mudslide for Mr. Marquis and a glass of mango juice in a martini glass with a cocktail umbrella-anyone else want anything?  
Hotaru - Nah.  
Duo - Nope.  
Setsuna - Trowa?  
Trowa - Bloody Mary.  
Setsuna - Oooooh…Trowa you're so morbid!  
Hotaru - **mumbles** Like you… **ahem**  
**Setsuna grabs Trowa's arm with little hearts in her eyes**  
Trowa - Ummm **anime sweat drop**  
Duo - You get a lot of those sweat drops, Trowa.  
Trowa - Heh…uhhh yeah.  
**Servant brings back the drinks and some jawbreakers and blow pops**  
Trowa - Thanks…  
Zechs - **jumps out of the pool** MUDSLIDE!!!!!!!  
Setsuna - **giggles** OoOoHh! MANGO JUICE!  
**Knocking at the gate**  
Hotaru - Enter at your own risk!  
Heero - Yeah.  
Relena - Hey, we thought we'd just stop by and say-  
Setsuna - I went to Harvard Barber College!  
**Everyone gets s-s-ahem, quiet and stares at Setsuna, even the drunken Zechs**  
Heero - Huh?  
Duo - My thoughts exactly.  
Setsuna - **flushes and smiles giddily** Ummmm…hehe anywho! Heaven didn't want me and hell was afraid I'd take over.  
Trowa - I bet.  
Relena - Yeah.  
**Wufei, who is lying almost complete dead on the ground, sees Heero**  
Wufei - I…will…kill…you…  
Trowa - **mumbles** Yeah right…  
Duo - **laughs** Sure  
**Wufei raises his arm to hit Heero and then coughs, and dies**  
Hotaru - YESSSSSSSSSSS!  
Setsuna - SCORE! **sticks a blow pop in her mouth**  
Hotaru - I am good… **gives a high five to Setsuna**  
Relena - God Duo, what have you been doing? Your hair is down!   
Duo - Umm… **anime sweat drop** Hotaru and I have been…errr…  
Hotaru - Busy…  
Duo - Yeah! And what's so bad about my hair when it's down?  
Heero - You only have it down when you have…  
**Relena gasps and looks at Hotaru who smiles devilishly back at Relena**  
Relena - And how would you know that Heero?  
Heero - I know lots of things.  
Relena - humph! **Looks at Hotaru like she's nuts**  
Heero - So, what's up with Wufei anyways?  
Trowa - He just wanted to kill you again.  
Heero - Oh, that bastard finally died, thank God…  
Relena - Well-  
Setsuna & Hotaru - WATER!!!!!!!!  
Zechs - CITY!  
Setsuna & Hotaru - WATER!!!!!!!!  
**Zechs, Setsuna, and Hotaru all start cracking up**  
**Duo, Trowa, Heero, and Relena all look at them like they're insane**  
**Hotaru laughs so hard she falls behind the mini bar, Duo beams and runs back there**  
**Zechs falls back into the pool while he's laughing. The lifeguard jumps down and rescues him**  
Noin - Zechs…Zechs are you all right?  
Zechs - WATER!  
Noin - **anime sweat drops** Okay Zechs, time to go!  
**Noin helps Zechs up and they leave**  
Relena - Speaking of time to go…  
**Relena grabs Heero's arm and drags him away**  
Setsuna - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Trowa - -_-;;;;;  
Setsuna - WATER!!!! Oh man…oh…that's great! **wipes a tear from her eye**  
Trowa - Yeah…  
**Setsuna sits down in her chair and drinks some of her mango juice, Trowa sits in his chair next to her as they hear a knock**  
Une - Hey!  
Dorothy - I have golden transportation!  
**Setsuna spits out her drink and starts laughing again**  
Trowa - Ummm… **noticing Setsuna is laughing hysterically and Duo and Hotaru are undoubtfully doing SOMETHING behind the mini bar** come on in…  
Une - Thanks, Trowa.  
Dorothy - Like my eyebrows?  
Trowa - -_-  
Uni - Oooookay then. I saw Noin and Zechs, what was wrong with him?  
Trowa - Umm…too much Wild Turkey.  
Setsuna - WHERE!?!?!  
Trowa - Nowhere, remember? We're out, keep drinking your mango juice.  
Setsuna - **giggles** ok.  
Hotaru - **giggles**   
**Une stops to listen to the noises coming from behind the mini bar**  
Une - Lemme guess…Duo and Hotaru are behind the mini bar.  
Trowa - Well--  
Setsuna - WATER!  
Trowa - Ahem…anyways…at the beginning of the party he went back there to help her up off the ground, and I think they were just making out, and then after Hotaru blasted Wufei, I think she was feeling a little…um…  
Une - Frisky?  
Trowa - Oh yeah…  
Une - And I think Duo didn't do anything to stop it, eh?  
**The two chuckle at how crazy the night had been…Setsuna gets up and starts to wobble around a bit**  
Une - I'll be right back; I left my present for Hotaru and Setsuna in the car…  
**Trowa raises an eyebrow**  
Trowa - Present?  
Une - You'll see **She disappears behind the gate**  
Setsuna - Hehe, I think there was something in that *hiccup* mango juice…  
**She wobbles some more and falls into Trowa's arms…She looks up at him**  
Setsuna - God you're gorgeous…  
**A moment of romantic silence (yes, Hotaru wrote that…its ok everybody) The two look deeply into each other's eyes**  
Hotaru - **from behind the mini bar there are more giggles**  
Setsuna - Ahem…  
Trowa - Ahem…  
**A moment of quiet, aside from the giggles and other 'noises' from behind the mini bar**  
Setsuna - Yeah.  
Trowa - Anyway.  
Setsuna - **looks at Trowa**  
Trowa - **looks at Setsuna**  
Setsuna - Ah, what the hell.  
Trowa - Yeah.  
**Trowa and Setsuna go into the house**  
Dorothy - Am I the only one not getting some?  
Une - **enters with a large box** What?  
Dorothy - Setsuna and Trowa just went in the house…I mean come on that's a little obvious. And the noises coming from back there aren't exactly from cows.  
Une - Well, you could be a little more discreet about it.  
Dorothy - **raises one of her oddly shaped eyebrows** Riiiight…  
Une - Yes…anyway.  
Dorothy - Yeah, what is their present?  
Une - It's a surprise.  
Dorothy - Well it's not going to impress them much after what they're getting-  
Une - Stop!  
Dorothy - Okay, okay.  
**Quatre comes in**  
Quatre - Hey, the gate was open…I thought I might join the party. But…where's Setsuna and Hotaru and everyone?  
Dorothy - Getting some-  
Une - Cheese!  
Quatre - Oh…ok.  
**Quatre sits down innocently, not suspecting a thing, even though he can hear the obvious noises from behind the mini bar**  
Une - **goes behind the mini bar quickly** Could you two do this somewhere else?  
**Une finds the two in a kinda awkward position. Hotaru and Duo immediately stop …what they were doing…get up and look at Une**  
Hotaru - Why?  
Une - Because.  
Duo - Ok.  
Hotaru - Sure…**Hotaru leans over to whisper into Duo's ear** I have a really nice bedroom…would you like to see it?  
Duo - Sure! Why not?  
**Duo picks Hotaru up (because for some strange reason she won't walk that much tonight) and they go into the house…Hotaru giggles a little (Oh like ya didn't see that coming) wrapping Duo's long chestnut hair around her finger**  
Quatre - I thought she was getting some cheese?  
Dorothy - God you're stupid…they're not getting cheese--  
Une - Shut up, Dorothy.  
Dorothy - Whatever.  
**Quatre looks at them blankly**  
Quatre - Well I wanted some cheese!!!  
Dorothy - -_-;;;  
**Setsuna and Trowa come out the door, Setsuna is laughing up a storm. Trowa is practically holding her up because she keeps tripping**  
Quatre - Hi Setsuna! Trowa!  
Setsuna - HIGH!  
Quatre - (mistakes 'high' for 'hi') How are you?  
Setsuna - HIGH!  
Trowa - ^_^;;; Ummm…Quatre, Setsuna's not feeling too well, so if you'll-  
Setsuna - WATER!!!!!!!!  
Trowa - -_-  
Setsuna - Because I got high, because I got high, because I got hiiiiiiigggh, la da da da da da da!!!!!!!  
Trowa - Ahem…Setsuna, what do you say we go back inside, eh?  
Setsuna - Are there starflakes inside?  
Trowa - Yeah, **he grins**, lots of them. Let's go dance in your room.  
Quatre - I like dancing! Can I come too?  
Une & Trowa - NO!  
Trowa - This isn't ballroom dancing-  
Une - It's not for you, dear. Why don't you go swim in the pool?  
Quatre - **looks from Trowa to Une** Ok…I guess…  
Trowa - Good, bye Quatre.  
Quatre - Bye, Trowa.  
**Trowa takes Setsuna back in the house**  
Dorothy - I hate not doing anything!  
Une - You know…so do I.  
Dorothy - Let's go then! Ice cream!  
Une - Yes! ICE CREAM AND FRITOS!  
Dorothy - Fritos?  
Une - **ahem** Quatre would you like to come with us?  
Quatre - Sure!  
Dorothy - Ok, let's go!  
**Dorothy, Quatre, and Une leave**  
**Five minutes or so later Hotaru and Duo come out. Hotaru is giggling and twirling Duo's hair in her finger…she IS walking now**  
Duo - Woah.  
Hotaru - Woah?  
Duo - Nobody's here.  
Hotaru - Is that a bad thing?  
**Duo and Hotaru smile**  
**Setsuna and Trowa come out, Setsuna isn't high anymore but she's leaning on Trowa**  
Hotaru - You two have a good time?  
**Trowa grins**  
Setsuna - I didn't know dancing could be so much fun!  
**Hotaru and Setsuna giggle**  
**Duo and Trowa look at each other**  
Duo - Should we?  
Trowa - Yeah.  
**Duo picks up Hotaru, Trowa picks up Setsuna, and they throw the girls in the pool**  
Hotaru - I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THAT DUO MAXWELL!  
Setsuna - Trowa!!!!!!! You got me WET!  
**Duo and Trowa duck out of the way as a beach ball and martini glass fly towards them. The objects hit the camera and everything goes black** 


End file.
